Tues 31st January
05.09am: Panic
08.35: Watch a former Cambridge Union Society debate online about pornography. Freak out. The participants are tearing strips out of each others careers and professional reputations even if it is as former porn stars vs all the little children. I’ve never met Sir David Tang before but I’m hugely respectful of Hadley Freeman, Caryn Franklyn and Hilary Alexander. Panic more.
10.35: Washed and dressed back at desk with some clarity from the shower. Make notes on what ‘Elitism’ actually means in fashion and otherwise, also about the angles that everyone else will take; we have been invited separately by The President of the Union (pleasingly a woman, Katie Lam) so I don’t know if I would be using the same points as my other opposers, Sir David Tang and Hilary Alexander, and feel the need for a unique POV. Whilst I’m good at wearing different hats, if I tried an ‘Intellectual Stance’ here I’m likely to be rumbled to just be posturing.
Dip in and out of these thoughts ’til end of day working on other stuff. Brain ache, I’ve been thinking in images for a long time.
Weds 1st February
16.05: Paul Duddridge is Skyping me from LA to look over my speech, he’s an entertainment coach who I trust as he’s worked with tonnes of comedians; if in doubt make ‘em laugh. He gives me some good feedback – open with second best stuff, best stuff goes last in comedyland. I’m thinking you can sway opinion with many means so taking some hits from stand-up isn’t a bad way to go. Needs some serious work now.
16.29: Text super hair styling glam master, Mikey Kardashian, to see if he can at least dress up the aching brain in gorgeous hair tomorrow morning. He can’t. Brain flits over to the fact its a Black Tie dress code for the speakers and I’ve not even thought about it.
There is a screening of a Bill Cunningham film starting at six, it’s very fashiony and there will be photographers. I’m in my Nike running leggings with dirty hair and no make-up. Get a pace on but realise its not going to happen. Beat myself up for a bit that I’m not prettier and more organised. Rewrite.
19.58: Email my really very brainy friend Mairi MacKensie the newest version. She is very encouraging which gives me confidence and points out a few points where the opposition could stick the knife in should they choose to.
20.30: Have to eat, all done in.
Thurs 2nd February
08.00: Ground Hog Day for everyone else but not for me. Well it is a bit like the film, as yet again in emptying the contents of my wardrobe on to the bed like so many times before. Decide on quite a bonkers, one off, McQueen dress; with hindsight I think that the medieval vibe of Cambridge was in my psyche as it was a very historical type piece with boning etc. It’s also -4 degrees and it’s made of wool, lol! I’m being practical this must be serious.
11.45: Bodge make-up and right eye starts to run. I put all I need in my little Lara Bohinc bag, ladder my tights, hunt for more, need to get 12.45 train as meeting my brother in Cambridge for his birthday lunch. Can’t decide if going to do speech from iPad or paper. Take both. Make train, read speech to boyf, it’s become a bit like Grizwolds family outing due to birthday. Make last minute changes. Lunch at The Chop House.
17.00: Feel full and a bit sick. Get panic on about tights as they were somehow covered in dust I cant get off, go to John Lewis, buy some gorgeous Walford fresh ones, get MAC to sort my destroyed make-up as my eye had been weeping all through lunch. Ready as I’ll ever be.
Quick drink at The Pikerel Pub, apparently the oldest in Cambridge, a former opium den. Walk in the freezing cold taking in the amazing surrounds of Cambridge, dodging bicycles that come like bullets and think about how really amazing it would be to study there.
18.00: Drinks followed by dinner at The Cambridge Union Society. I’m still full from a 3pm lunch and though we don’t eat we sit at the banqueting table with the Union members surrounded by photos of former famous debaters that Bill the Bursar points out. My favourite was Dame Edna.
I’m sitting next to The President and so I hit her up for as many titbits from the week before when Katie Price had slam dunked a victory in the debate ‘The Only Limit to Female Success is Female Ambition’.
Sir David Tang was trying to chat team tactics over the table which Beth Dincuff, one of the opposition from Parsons, was keenly listening to.
20.00: We walk into what seems like an amphitheatre – maybe more like the old operating museum in Borough – and it’s us that’s going to be dissected or cheered while the bigger gladiators wield their word swords.
Hadley is up first, she is brilliant but nervous which makes me more nervous. Sir David Tang our opener is funny and a not a little subversive.
Caryn has already told us she has done a 12 min speech not a 8-10 min speech like us, she was charming and wry though towards then end I had no idea what she was saying any more. I had a smile fixed on my face like the Cheshire cat and was suddenly in urgent need of water. There is nothing I can do to control the shaking in my hands, I have done live hosting for thousands before though this time I can’t just chat up the crowd.
I’m aware that I’m nervous and that everyone can see I am and I’m not wearing my glasses, a decision made as none of them went properly with my outfit (??!!), so I’m having to really stick to looking at my papers. I didn’t stall or mess up, though I wish I had been as relaxed as Hilary who spoke without real notes. Perhaps after another 25 years in the industry eh.
21.30: The debate is over and to count the vote the audience is asked to go through ‘Yay’ or ‘Nay’ doors as to whether they agree with the motion. We as the opposition didn’t win, though in consolation they told me we swung nine voters to our side which as a debate showed we were the most persuasive team.
Friday 3rd February
10.00: At desk amending speech on computer as I’d added in a few changes in response to points the opposition had raised. Felt somewhat vulnerable as the path I’d chosen to go down was a personal one and without a win there was no reason and I felt a bit silly for being so open, though again with hindsight I think maybe I was just a sore loser!!
